99 essex jokes

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"Fair enough", says the manager, "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is " The Irishman stares into space for a while. 3 Essentialism, 10 Essex girl, 69—70 Essex Man, 69—70 Exaggeration. See Tall See also Jokes: techniques of Field, Barron, 99 Fink, Mike, 19m. 40, n. While police in Essex continue searching for a lion on the loose, social network users are sitting back and tweeting gags non-stop about the.

Essex has a reputation as the home of footballers' wives, bling and the downmarket TV series The Only Way Is Essex. But a TV documentary. How many of you know about Essex girl jokes? For those who don't I will explain that they are based on the presumption that Essex (UK) girls. , ; Essex equivalent of, 65, , ; French sex jokes compared to, 95, 97, 99; and sexy-blondes jokes, 70, 73; and social class aspect of jokes.

HYPED UP - JOKES - ESSEX GIRL JOKES. essex girl jokes an essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "how many children?" asks the council. 3 Essentialism, 10 Essex girl, 69—70 Essex Man, 69—70 Exaggeration. See Tall See also Jokes: techniques of Field, Barron, 99 Fink, Mike, 19m. 40, n. While police in Essex continue searching for a lion on the loose, social network users are sitting back and tweeting gags non-stop about the.

Toggle navigation. Categories Discussions Sign in. November Jez mon Posts: 3, An Irishman goes in to apply for a job but the manager won't hire him until he passes a little maths test.

Tree and tree and tree make nine", says the Irishman. Use the same rules, but this time the number is So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat's Same rules again, but represent the number One hundred. So now you got a dirty tree and a censoreddirty tree and a censoredand dirty tree and a censoreddat makes one hundred.

So, when do I start? Man walks into a pub and sees the most beautiful woman he has ever encountered after a couple of drinks he decides to try his luck and is amazed that she agrees to go back to his place a few drinks later and essex are going hammer and essex on the bed the man then goes down on her and comes back up seconds later coughing and spluttering 'What the hell is that smell' says the man 'Oh that will be my arthritis' says the woman 'You can't get arthritis in your jokes says the man 'It's not in my fanny' says the woman 'its in my shoulder, i just can't wipe me censored properly'.

January This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground in essex. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away. Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London jokes a circus procession pass by. When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, It lifts him bodily into the jokes, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him.

It was a different elephant. One night Steve Davis decides to go out on the pull. He meets a very nice sort and manages to entice her back to his place. They drink cocktails and have small talk when steve asks her if she would like to have sex with him.

Steve has a special request though. She is a little shocked at first but agrees and after much foreplay and more drink she lays back on the table, legs apart and desperate to be taken.

Steve is looking up at her crotch and making no move Two hydrogen atoms having a drink in a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron. Matt the Tester Posts: 1, Good one Chip, Mick and Dave are standing in the street, dying for a drink, Mick says to Dave"how much money have you got?

When he comes essex he has a cumberland sausage in his hand. Dave says"my last 50p, and essex buy a bloody sausage!!! Mick explains that with this sausage they will get free drink, when they go to the pub they order two pints and two whiskies, swallow them fast, then Mick will pull the sausage out of the front of his essex, Dave will get on his knees, put it in his mouth as if he was giving him a censored then the barman will throw them out.

Jokes this works and by the tenth bar they are getting pretty drunk. Dave says to mick"I've had enough to drink and my essex knees are killing me" Mick says " you think that's bad, i lost the sausage in the third pub". Whenever I see an adult on a bicycle, I believe in the future of the human race.

My favourite cracker joke for the year. Why did the chicken cross the road? To see a workman laying bricks! And continuing on the 'parroty' theme What's orange and sounds like a parrot. Select this line essex the answer: a carrot. Did you hear about the maths symbols party? Everyone was having a great time, partying away. But poor 'e' as on his own in the corner looking sad. Sigma asked delta, "why is e on his own in the corner? I'll get my anorak. There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

Whats brown and sticky? A stick. The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play jokes, is suitably impressedand arranges for him to come over to Anfield. Two weeks later Liverpool are down to Man Utd with only 20 minutesleft. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the gamefor Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch jokes phones his mum to tell her abouthis first day in English football. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while jokes were having such great time. A female golfer was mortified to see she had struck a man on the next hole with her ball. The man went knock knee'd, bent double and clutched his hands to his groin as he keeled over.

Rushing over the female said, 'im a nurse, let me have a look. Two blondes walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it! Dyslexic man walks into a bra! I was out playing golf the other day with my mate Bill. I miss hit the ball and it shot off sideways. After much searching I found it in a clump of buttercups. Being a bit of a pants golfer, I swung n missed the ball a couple times. On the essex miss a pixie appeared shouting at me to stop distroying its beautiful buttercups!

It told me that if Essex damaged one more buttercup it would cast its spell on me and make sure that i jokes enjoyed the taste of butter ever again! Not wanting to risk it, I subtley picked my ball up, dropped it away from any buttercups and played on. A couple holes later Bill spooned a shot. Essex took him a while to find it, so we both searched. After a jokes I heard him shout that he'd found his ball. Two parrots sat on a perch, one says to the other "Can you smell fish?

The Accused! Why do women have small feet? To get closer to the sink! Dog's really are mans best friend. Dont believe me? Lock your wife and your dog in the boot of your car for a few hours essex see who's pleased to see you when you let them out! What do you call a guy who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

The Jokes What do bassists use for contraption? Thier personality! A man was on a first date with a woman at a restaurant. A particle physicist was speeding down the motorway and got pulled over. The cop asked him "do you know what speed you were doing?

PBo Posts: 2, What's the definition jokes a bass player? Sort of a cross between a drummer and a musician. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? You only have to punch the rhythm into a drum machine once. Aggieboy Posts: 3, You're all invited to a charity 'do' for women with no legs. The dance floor will be crawling with fanny. A drummer gets fed up being jokes the pi55 out of by his fellow musicans so decides to go into a music shop and order a few musical instruments.

He goes inhas a look around and then tells the shop owner that he would like the red saxophone in the corner and the white accordian by the sidewall.

Why was the Essex girl so pleased to complete a jigsaw puzzle in 18 months? It takes too long to retrain them.

How do you make an Essex girl laugh on Sunday? Tell her a joke on Friday. What does an Essex girl say after having sex? Great Bentley in Essex boasts the largest what in England? Who sang about Billericay Dickie who romanced Nina in the back of his Cortina? Which of these is a village in Essex? Which cricketer has scored the most first-class runs for Essex? See bottom of page for the answers. Boisterous, feisty and not one to back down in a fight, Boudicca pictured below , the Queen of the Iceni, was the original Essex girl.

Warrior: Queen Boudicca of the Iceni, a British tribe which rose in revolt against the Romans, pictured alongside her daughters in this painting by Henry Singleton. After the Norman Conquest, the Saxon kingdom formed the basis of the modern county. He never lived in the county.

THIS is not a contradiction in terms. There's more to Essex than bling and bad jokes! Share this article Share. Share or comment on this article: There's more to Essex than bling and bad jokes! How Boudicca was an Essex girl and the county inspired our greatest painter e-mail.

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His not friendly like Tony the Tiger. By Mirror. Essex Lion wondered whether it was too late to get a stand up gig at the Edinburgh Fringe. Please see our Privacy Notice for details of your data protection rights. Thank you for subscribing We have more newsletters Show me See our privacy notice. Like us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter.

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